Mages With Hats
by MachetesWithRena
Summary: Based on different scripts of videos made by SecretAgentBob. It's all the fun of Fairy Tail mages, but with the added comfort of hats! Rated K for a little craziness. This was just for fun, haha. I do not own anything! Please read and review desu!
1. The Dead Exsheed

_**/My Emo Corber =w=/**_

_I absolutely LOVEEE Llamas With Hats by SecretAgentBob. This man right here is a genius! He created Charlie the Unicorn, Llamas With Hats AND my latest favourite, Marshmallow People! So I decided to combine two of my favourite things, Fairy Tail, and Llamas With Hats. I decided to make Erza the epic one and Gray the crazy one. It was really fun to write, haha! So basically, this story is all the fun of Fairy Tail mages, but with the added comfort of hats! Please read and review desu!_

**_Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. The script of Llamas With Hats belongs to SecretAgentBob ONLY. The characters belong to the all awesome creator of Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima. _**

Erza walked into the empty guild. Everyone had gone off somewhere since it was the special Fairy Tail field trip day. Only Erza and Gray had stayed behind. Natsu had dared both of them to wear these ridiculous joke of hats the whole day. Suddenly, Erza stopped and stared at the sight before her. She was so shocked that the silly hat that Natsu dared her to wear almost fell off. She sighed and stared at Gray, who was standing beside the body of a dead cat with several stab wounds in his chest. It was peculiar. Very peculiar indeed.

"Graaaaaaaaayyyyy, why is there a dead Exsheed in our guild?" She folded her arms and looked at the ice mage.

Gray's eyes darted from the dead Exsheed to Erza, "Oh, hey! How did he get here?"

"Graaaaaaaaaaayyyy! What did you do?" Erza dreaded the thought.

"Me?" Gray said as he started to sweat, "Not- that- I didn't do this!"

Erza started to get angry... "Explain what happened, Gray!"

"I have NEVER seen this Exsheed before in my life."

"Why did you kill this Exsheed, Gray?"

"I do NOT kill people. That is... that is my _least _favourite thing to do."

Erza face-palmed and sighed. "Tell me, Gray, exactly what you were doing before I walked into the guild."

Gray took a deep breath. "Alright, well, I- I was upstairs."

"Okay."

"I was... uh... sitting at a table."

"Yes"

"Reading a book."

Erza raised an eyebrow. "You? Reading a book?"

"Well, yeah, I like to read. S-sometimes."

"Okay then, go on."

"And uh, this Exsheed walked in."

"Okay."

"So I went up to him."

"Yeeeeeesssss."

"And... I, uh, I... stabbed him thirty-seven times in the chest."

Erza's face wore a shocked expression and she groaned, "Graaaaaaayyyyy, that kills people!"

"Oh! Oh wow! I- I didn't know that!"

"How could you not know that?"

"Yeeeeaaaahhh, I'm in the wrong ear. _I suck_."

Erza stared at the body again and noticed something missing. "What happened to his hands?"

"What's that?"

"His hands. Why- why are they missing?"

"Well, I uh... I kinda uh... cooked them up. And ate them."

"!"

"Well, I- I was hungry, and well, you know, when you crave hands that's-"

"Why on Earth would you do that?"

"I was hungry for hands! Gimme a break!"

"Graaaaaayyyy-"

"My stomach was making the rumblies..."

"Gray."

"That only _hands w_ould satisfy."

"What is wrong with you, Gray?"

Gray shrugged. "Well. I- I kill people and I eat hands. That's- That's two things."

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_Hoped you enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it A LOT! Please review! Thank you desu!_


	2. Making Out With Ice Sculptures

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_I made another one! This is ALSO based on Llamas With Hats by SecretAgentBob. I love doing these in my free time, they're just totally awesome to make. Please read and review desu!_

**_Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. The script belongs to the great SecretAgentBob ONLY and the characters belong to the all awesome Hiro Mashima._**

Erza stood in the yellow lifeboat. She stared at the sinking ship before her. It was on fire and the sound of innocent people screaming filled the air. Her eyes then darted to her companion, Gray. Her face bore an angry expression and she put her hands on her hips.

She sighed and started to speak. "Ugh... Graaayyyy, what on Earth was all that?"

Gray put on a confused face and replied, "Um... I'm not sure what you're referring to."

"You _sunk _an ENTIRE cruise ship, Gray!" Erza groaned.

"Are you sure that was me? I- I would think I would remember something like that."

Erza started to grow impatient. "Graaaayyy, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face!"

"That sounds dangerous."

"You were _headbutting children _off the side of the ship!"

"That... uh... that must have been horrifying to watch."

"And then you starting making out with the ice sculpture!"

"Well thank God, that the children weren't on board to see that."

Erza almost gave up. After she found the dead Exsheed in the guild, she thought maybe a relaxing cruise would cure Gray's madness. She was wrong. She started to walk towards him when she noticed that the lifeboat was covered in a red and sticky substance.

She looked at Gray suspiciously. "Ahhh... Gray, why is the lifeboat all red and sticky?"

"Woah, I guess you _could _say it is all red and sticky."

"Graaaayyy, what are we standing in?"

"Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?"

"_No, _I would not believe that."

"Uhh... melted gumdrops."

"Noooooo."

"Boat nectar."

"No."

"Some of God's tears."

"Tell me the truth, Gray!"

"FINE... It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B."

"Graaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

"Well, they were, uh, they were taking all the crescent rolls."

Erza almost gagged. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!"

"I will not apologize for _art_."

Erza then looked around and noticed that they were the only ones floating safely on a lifeboat. Even _if _the lifeboat was filled with the blood and guts of two poor, innocent elderly people. Erza eyed Gray suspiciously.

"Graaaay... where are the other lifeboats?"

"Woah! You won the prize! I didn't even notice that."

"Where are the other lifeboats, Gray?"

"Looking at the trajectory of the moon and the sun... probably at the bottom of the ocean. I bit lots of holes in them."

"Graaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!"

"I have a problem. I have a _serious _problem."

"You are just _terrible _today."

"Shhhhhhhh... do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."

"That's the sound of people drowning, Gray!"

"_That _is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence."

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_I really DO love making these. I actually imagine it all in my head while I'm typing it and I end up laughing a little. Of course, it WAS horrifying to imagine Gray making out with the ice sculpture. DAMN YOU ICE SCULPTURE! Thank you for reading! Please review desu!_


	3. Swallowing Bartenders

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_Whoo another chapter! These are so fun to write~! Again, all credit for the script goes to the Master of YouTube, SecretAgentBob, the creator of three of my favourites, Charlie the Unicorn, Llamas With Hats, and the latest, Marshmallow People! I LOVE YOU SECRETAGENTBOB! Haha, but Konata will forever be my God =w=. Please read and review desu!_

**_Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. The script of Llamas With Hats belongs to SecretAgentBob ONLY and the characters belong to the all awesome creator of Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima._**

Natsu stared at his quest partner with wide eyes. Gray looked as if nothing happened and just stared into space. Natsu looked to the left again, _just _to make sure what he had just seen. He had gone on a quest with Gray to South America. Usually, Erza and Lucy would tag along with them, but Erza suddenly didn't want anything to do with Gray. Lucy said she wasn't comfortable being the only girl, so she stayed behind. In the guild, Gray was now known mainly for his antic of killing an innocent Exsheed a few months back. Since then, he had done _really crazy unspeakable _stuff. He... he _killed _things and did horrible stuff whenever they went somewhere. In fact, Erza had told them that he had sunk an entire cruise ship a few weeks back while they were on vacation! Natsu told her that whatever Gray would do on this quest, it wouldn't phase him. After all, he was a dragonslayer.

But now, he finally understood why Erza didn't want to come with them. It was absolutely horrible! He looked outside and all he could see was burning buildings and a giant fan through the huge hole in the hotel wall.

Finally, Natsu spoke. "Grrrrraaaaaaaaaaayyyyy, we're supposed to be doing a _quest_."

Gray shrugged and replied, "I don't know about you, but I am having a wonderful time here."

A wonderful time? _Wonderful time? _"Y-You toppled the South American government, Gray!"

"The people have spoken." Gray said. Then, he puffed his chest out and stood tall, saying, "Viva la resistance."

"What? But you pushed the resistance leader into a _giant fan_."

"He was a traitor and a scoundrel."

Natsu started to loose his patience. "He was trying to prevent you from pushing OTHER PEOPLE into a giant fan!"

At that moment, something suddenly pushed out from Gray's stomach, like a kick from a baby to a pregnant mother whilst the baby was still developing.

"Woah. That was a foot. I appeared to have swallowed an entire person." Gray said calmly.

Natsu sighed and face-palmed. "_That, _would be the hotel bartender."

"Well, that explains why my mojito is taking so long."

"It was horrifying. Your mouth unhinged like a snake."

"Wow, that sounds pretty awesome."

Natsu groaned and glared at his partner. "I can't go _anywhere _with you, Gray!"

"That hurt my feelings. Now we're _both _in the wrong."

"I wanna go back to the guild." Natsu said, his voice tired and weary, "We're leaving."

"Well in that case, I should probably mention that I filled out suitcases with orphan meat."

"Wha-what?"

"Well, I'm building a meat dragon and not just any meat will do."

"You know what," Natsu said as he started to lose his temper, "forget it! I'm not even shocked anymore!"

"Aww, that's no fun."

"This has become the norm for you, Gray!"

"I'll have to try harder next time."

"_Please don't_."

"I feel like I've been issued a challenge."

"!"

"It's too late now!" Gray paused. "_You_."

Natsu raised his eyebrow. "You?"

"I totally don't remember your name."

"We've known each other since we were kids, Gray!"

"And what an impression you've made."

"My name is Natsu."

"What?"

"I _said, _my name is Natsu."

"Oh. I thought you were a woman."

Natsu sighed. "Why would you think _that_?"

"Mostly the pink hair. Are you _sure?"_

"Of course I'm sure!"

"Well, that explains why you have no chest."

"YES. Because I'm a _guy_."

"Okayyy... if you'll excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer."

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_Yay! Look forward to Mages With Hats chapter 4! It's coming soon! Of course, there's no Llamas With Hats 5 on YouTube, so you'll have to wait awhile till' the next chapter. It's also possible that there will be no more Mages With Hats because the Llamas With Hats series may have stopped. Perhaps I'll make do with the script of Charlie the Unicorn and Marshmallow People as well! Thank you for reading! Please review!_


	4. Ripping Tags Off A Mattress

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_YAY posted again! Enjoy this one! To be honest, I think my favourite Mages With Hats will have to be Number 2. It's when Gray seriously goes on a rampage. Please read and review desu!_

Natsu walked towards the job board. "I wonder what kind of job I'll get today..." Apparently, Master Makarov had taken all the guild members to Akane Resort while Natsu and Gray were on a quest in South America. It was to celebrate his birthday, and he forgot that Natsu and Gray weren't back yet. But Natsu didn't really care about that, he was just bummed out that he had to be stuck with Gray alone in the guild for a week, so he decided to take up a job to get away from Gray. Recently, Gray had toppled the South American government _and _the Resistance! Poor South America was still recuperating from the horror. As he approached the job board, Natsu noticed Gray sitting at a table, with tracks of mud behind him. Natsu sighed... trust Gray to dirty the guild floor just when he got it cleaned the previous day.

"Graaaayyyy, you've tracked mud all over the guild floor!" Natsu said angrily.

Gray looked behind him. "Now that right there's a mess."

"I just had it cleaned yesterday, Gray!"

Gray looked at Natsu, "I'm not responsible for this. I've been jamming on the saxophone all morning."

"Since when did you play the saxophone, Gray?" Natsu retorted, "And they're clearly your footprints, Gray!"

"Then there is an impostor on the loose!"

"They lead directly to you!"

"Clue number one," Gray said, looking around suspiciously, "the impostor is a phantom."

"Graaaaaayyy, stop avoi-" But Natsu could not finish his sentence. In a huge blast, the whole roof and walls of the guild ripped apart, leaving Natsu and Gray standing in the middle of the floor. Natsu almost ha a heart attack. He looked around and saw Magnolia burning in flames! A huge explosion had taken place and from previous events, Natsu was sure that Gray was the culprit.

"Grrrrraaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!"

"Happy birthday!" Gray said.

"It's not- please tell me you had nothing to do with this!"

"Why don't you blow out your candle?"

"You've gone too far this time, Gray!" Natsu exclaimed. Blowing up Magnolia? What would Master say when he got back?

"What's that?" Gray shouted, "It's hard to hear you over the sound of a melting city."

"How did you even _do _this?"

"A gallop of fairy dust." Gray replied. Natsu almost screamed. This was no time to be funny!

"Graaaaayyy."

"I ripped the tag of a mattress."

"This isn't funny, Gray!"

"Who's laughing? Clearly not all the people who just exploded."

"I'm leaving. I've had enough of this." Natsu sighed.

"But think of all the perfectly roasted faces we'll get to munch on now."

"What? Why?"

"Because we're friends," Gray replied, "and friendship is two pals munching on a well-cooked face together."

"That isn't friendship, Gray, that's sick."

"Well then you're probably not going to like your birthday decorations." Gray said, looking up at the sky.

"It's not even-"

And then Natsu spotted on of the most horrifying things he had ever seen. Strung onto different coloured balloons, were _faces_. They were dripping with blood and the floated down. They were actually _real human faces_.

"Oh my God."

"Surprise!"

"Aw... awww- no, aww..."

"I'm sorry! I thought you liked faces. Obviously there's a mis-communication."

"This is... awful, Gray."

"You're right," Gray sighed, "it's not as tasteful as I pictured in my head."

"I think I'm going to throw-" Then Natsu felt something sticky touch his arm.

"Oh God one touched me!" He shouted.

"This was _clearly _the wrong way to go."

"Ya think, Gray?"

"What can I say," Gray sighed, "I expected them to be cooked more. Raw faces are just gross."

"That isn't the problem, Gray!" Natsu screamed, "Why would you think any of this was a good idea?"

"Probably because I'm a dangerous psychopath with a history of violence all around the globe."

There was a pause.

"Oh."

"I _don't _understand how you keep forgetting that."

_**/My Emo Corner =w=/**_

_Well, this is the latest Mages With Hats. It's based on the latest Llamas with Hats. There isn't a Llamas With Hats 5, so you'll probably have to wait a long time. But MAYBE, just maybe, I'll use the script of Marshmallow People as well. But then I'll have to make a second psychopath. Lyon, maybe? Because he's Gray's childhood friend? Hm... but who should I make the victim (A.k.a Triangle Man)? And who should I make Triangle Lady? Maybe Elfman and Mirajane? Perhaps. :D Please review desu!_


	5. Drunk In Magnolia

**_/My Emo Corner =w=/_**

_Well then, I haven't posted a chapter in this for like, I think almost a year now 0.0! Well here it is again. This time it's not based on Llamas with Hats, but of another video by the same creator, SecretAgentBob, called Ferrets. I WILL be changing the description accordingly, though the name stays the same. And just like the others, it was super duper fun to write. Please read and review desu =w=!_

****_Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. The script of Ferrets belongs to SecretAgentBob ONLY. The characters belong to the all awesome creator of Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima._****

* * *

><p>Gray was drunk. VERY drunk. He was in a local bar in the now rebuilt Magnolia, drowning away his sorrows. Why? Because Master Makarov had cast a spell on Gray, preventing him from causing any more trouble that he already had (the dead exsheed, the cruise ship, South America… blowing up Magnolia… need I say more), and he was feeling bottled up.<p>

And so the very drunk Gray stumbled around in the bar – when he saw Lyon, looking, I guess you could say, _down in the dumps_. And so Gray being the most random drunkard in the history of forever, went up to Lyon.

"Lyoooooonnnnnnn, what's –hic- wrong? You look –hic- kinda sad."

"I AM sad, Gray. Juvia turned me down again." Said the silver-haired mage, sobbing over his large pitcher of beer.

"Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Said the very drunk Gray.

"I know," Lyon looked up, "it's terrible."

"LYOOOOoooooOOOOoooooooooooOO nNNNN...!"

"I'm sad… SO SAD."

"Well you know what, -hic-, when I'm feeling sad, I sing about all the things in the world that make me –hic- happy~!"

Gray jumped RIGHT on top of the table Lyon was sitting on, and began creating what must have been a hundred different instruments out of ice – and those instruments began to play.

And of course, Gray began to sing.

"An apple pie, a bright blue sky~ A breezy meadow in July~! An ice cream bar, a shooting star~ The sound of a steel guitar~!"

Lyon gave a slight smile. "That is wonderful."

"I love the sound of rain, wearing a hat and cane~ Tiffany windowpanes, lovely to see~! Frost on a window still, the feel of a dollar bill~ Vacations in Brazil fill me with glee!"

It was at that time that Gray had attracted the entire attention of the bar. They all cheered as Gray danced like the crazy drunk wizard he was on top of that table. Even Lyon was bobbing along to the beat that Gray's ice instruments were playing.

"These are all the little things that make me smile~ This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile! Everybody knows the holocaust was a lie, so let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy~!"

Lyon paused. "Wait, what was that about the holocau-"

"A strip of lace, a pretty face~ Eugenics really makes the case~!"

Lyon frowned. Eugenics?

"Counting sheep, and froggy leaps~ Touching Lyon inappropriately white he sleeps~!"

"HEY!" Lyon shouted.

"I love the feel of grain, the screams of a man in pain~ Blood coming down like rain, showering me~! That everlasting thrill during the final kill~ Body dumped in a landfill, got off scot-free~!"

Gray did a twirl.

"These are all the little things that make me smile~ This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile~!"

Gray squatted down and stared Lyon in the eyes.

"One day I will eat your brain and it'll be great~! So let's sing about the things we like and meet your fate~!"

The music ended and Gray did a bow, but staggered and almost fell off the table. By then, everyone had gotten tired of Gray's drunk rambling and went back to his or her own activities. But of course, his song left Lyon scarred. VERY scarred.

"That was, uh…" Lyon stammered, "great. Thanks… You really… cheered me up."

Gray took another unbalanced bow and jumped off the table, making his way towards the exit of the bar. Lyon stared at Gray as he left, his brain still trying to configure what Gray had said.

Then just before Gray left, he spun around and screamed at Lyon.

"YOU WHORE!"

"… W-what…?"

And so Gray went off looking for another bar to bestow his magic singing skills upon.

* * *

><p><em><strong>My Emo Corner =w=/**_

_I hope you enjoyed it! I know I enjoyed writing it... a lot. Please review desu =w=! It would make my day._


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